Opinion and Dissent from Alan Charman

Proud 2b Counties Manukau!

This is the new catch-cry of Counties Manukau Sport, which they hope will grow into a marketing phrase for the region, to try and copy the success of "Absolutely Positively Wellington" used to market the capital.

What a great idea, Counties Manukau has so much to take pride in. We lead the country in many areas and residents should be rightly proud of these achievements. Here are just a few:

Resourcefulness of citizens.

Every day, thousands of fit young men and women can be seen in pokie bars, or just loitering instead of working. We should certainly be proud that such a high percentage of our residents are resourceful enough to never need to work, yet have money to spend on booze, cigarettes and gambling.

Security Companies.

Our cul-de-sac alone has had over a dozen burglaries in the past six months, with some houses having been lucky enough to be burgled twice. Given that there are only 30 houses in the cul-de-sac, this burglary rate is the best advertising private security companies could get and there is no better place to start up a security service

Innovation and fresh ideas.

So few children are adequately fed in the mornings that some schools serve breakfast at the start of school, knowing that the expenditure of a few thousand a year on breakfasts is outweighed by the positive results of having kids with full tummies. Innovative Manukau!

Health.

Thanks to new government regulations giving extra money to poorer areas, Counties Manukau can boast the lowest GP fees. We also lead the way in cases of meningococcal disease, TB and hepatitis.

Charitable Donations.

As well as having the highest ratio of pokies to people in the country, we should take pride in the fact that we also lead the country in terms of money lost down the throats of these machines. No other region’s charities receive as much money from pokies as those in Counties Manukau.

Earliest Physical Maturity.

Again, a statistic of which we should be rightly proud. Along with the early physical development of young men, giving us Jonah and others, our young people have more unprotected sex than those in any other area, the highest fertility rates, the most cases of VD and the highest DPB dependency.

Art.

With graffiti plastered right across Manukau & Counties, we can claim to have the most "street artists" in our region.

Support for the NZ Judicial System.

Counties Manukau proudly contributes the highest rate of jail inmates to our prison system. It is little surprise therefore that the vast majority of escapees from custody are usually located in the Manukau City environs.

Support for CYFS

Rating as the number one area for domestic violence, Counties Manukau proudly lays claim to using the highest proportion of CYFS budgets as increasingly overworked and underskilled social workers try to stem the flood of battered women and children.

And at the same time, our paid representatives, Manukau City Councillors, have a meeting and debate about whether ties should be compulsory for themselves.

Go Manukau!!

(Edit June 2008 This was written in 2002, when Barry Curtis and his cohorts coined this phrase. I am leaving the page current to see whether Barry or I am right about the future. Six years on, after horrendous street murders and assaults, I think my scenario is winning, in fact, looking at the pages after two more elections and a new mayor, I'm scared to see that things have indeed changed in the interim...

For the worse.)